Can't bring myself to smile no more.

Well that was actually a post in a spiteful huff becuz I saw something irritating.
Okay, blame my inability to hold back that childish angst :/

Had it been.

One of the best decision I've ever made was to pluck up courage to initiate an end to that fateful first relationship. I wouldn't call it a failed relationship, but it was just that we weren't of levelling frequency and such.

A pity I only came to realize it 2 years down the road. I'm taking it as a lesson learnt though.
I can never have enough capacity and tolerance for anyone incompetent, ignorant and immature. And I reckon that sort of meagre capacity runs in my family :/

Ever since being a singleton, people have been showering me with as much love and attention as a mother kanga would to a joey. I count it God's grace to have met these people who would ensure my well-being as a whole.

To top it off, I was blessed with the best OGLs evaaa as a freshie in 2010.
Darren who would always encourage & who takes friggin good care of me ( LIKE DARN GOOD CARE).
Yongjia who will always remember to cheer me on and make sure I'm coping well. He's forever willing to entertain all my weird questions.
Rina who's always offering comfort in the most hilarious way.

I would never trade anyone or anything for such OGLs. These people are why I love school so much. Awwww, check that.

Look up.

When all else fails, God nevers and he never will fail!
Hurrrrrah! Let's go.

Blind, not.

"This is me, and I'm interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I'm not."

I get so near yet I get nowhere.

Honestly, I'm beginning to loathe this state of my heart and mind. It's like a perpetual rite of passage that goes on and on. And all the mundane, boggling and painful recounts start the moment I get out of bed each morning. I have no idea where this is leading me to.


I'm tired to the very core of my being. I have so many questions, so many doubts and so many why-s ringing on the inside of me. Yet I don't know what I should do with them.

This space is increasingly becoming an outlet for the let-off of my emotions.

Bad.

SHAT

I feel like a downright silly shit now. Should have went abroad for uni when I was given a choice to 2 years ago. I should have been more courageous >:(

I wanna board in the UK.

Emotions are highly contagious stuff man! They literally diffuse into you. Whatchya think?
Each time I know people I care for are down, I totally go down down down together with them. No idea if this spells goodness but I reckon it just runs in me.

So much that I don't even think for myself sometimes actually.

I want eweryboraye around me to be safe and happy. Can?

Ah byyytch.

"I'm good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I'm not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love."

I miss all my friends so friggin' much.
I miss going to school (actually it's missing the hype over ECs whenever they are in sight).
I miss just sitting walking and prancing around doing nothing but happy as ever.
I miss being city venture, tchoukball and every sort of crazy adventures.
I miss laughing over everything, laughing at nothing and just smiling into the air because like is so good.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL THE DARN EXAMS ARE OVER.

Going to play till I forget my surname.

I HATE WAITING.

OH GOOD LORD, I MISS MY GOOD OL' TKG DAYS SO MUCH )':

Risks of expecting.

I want to.

Stop pining.

Stop looking.

Stop checking.

Stop searching.

Stop waiting.

The one thing that I need, is to be seated at Your feet.

And that will suffice.

:)

Curvy is the new black.

I think I'm of an acceptable weight to donate blood now.
BUT SCREW IT I DON'T WANNA BE 45KG! I know, I know since I'm 164cm, 45kg is really okay. But it's really not me to be 45!

Must be all the late night suppers and to top it off, I'm in no condition to work out! Hahaha okay I should stop lamenting so much and try to embrace my new-found figure.

Either that or I should embark on a diet plan which I reckon would most likely turn out to be a flop anyway. So I can't be bothered.

Full stop

I know my Saviour has conquered the grave.

A friend indeed.

What seemed like the longest and most dreary weekend in my 19 years of life had just ended. And I'm so glad it did end afterall.

It was my maiden experience of wrecking my brains so hard. It beat the crap out of me, I'm so sure it did. I never did prayed so much in my entire life, never did worried so extensively, never did felt so heavy-laden and helpless-stricken, ever before.

I am going to fix this actuality somewhere inside me and make sure it stays dormant in there. Because one day if shit ever happens again (keeping all of myself crossed it doesn't happens), I'll call this to mind to remind myself of the extraordinary strength that really lies within me.

I am so so so glad things have blown over and normality resumes.

P.s. You've made me a worrywart and I'm hell sure that you're someone I'll remember for life. Please start resting and eating well again. Restoration will come and it's here to stay :)

At Your name I know the heartache is over.

Sometimes even heroes need to be saved.

There should always be a limit, an end to everything. Nothing should last forever. Even love, but it's because love can be renewed.

If you know you're getting nowhere with what you're at, then stop and move on. Move on so that you won't eventually find yourself in too much pain that it becomes impossible to get out. Get away, get a life.

I know I can do this.

The mighty cross.

God, my intercessor and myself- we form the majority. The dark one shall have no foothold in my life. Greater things have yet to come.

Let's go now!

First class

POA just punk'd me mega. Teehee. I just scrambled my candy ass out of the exam hall. And I'm convicted that I need get my guts out and start doing a heap of accounting questions.

I reckon it shouldn't be a problem for me because there's accounting blood running thru my veins. My family is very inclined (a huge imbalance unfortunately) towards the finance, math & accounting genre. To put it bluntly, informally money-faced.

Tomorrow's math paper at 7pm. What a gross timing! But thank God someone is picking me up, I think? I'm really really tired. I need more sleep real badly
):

Zhenny ashy and josephee, please scramble out of the hall soon! I need people to keep me sane.

Even when I've got nothing at all

I don't know if this is God's promise coming to pass but I'm one hell of a heck sure that it's at least a good good thing. Since it's enough and capable of making me smile even when other things are going awry. It's what keeps me strong, keeps me on track and it's keeping me sane amidst all the other trail of bitterness.

In fact, it's beyond good. I think this is amazing stuff.

Humans, just the way we are.

I'm growing up and I'm loving every single minute of every day.

The people who first found me.

You know, the kind of friendship that doesn't requires too much servicing? The kind of friendship that is deeply entrenched into your life and you know and you know that it's forged for life. Let's just put it this way, a perennial affair.

So today, I finally caught up with all my pretty girlies like the good ol' days. The TKG girls are my pride & my comfort. We talked and caught up so much, it was possibly one of the best nights of my life. Heartwarming.

Jingly drove and I think she must be the cutest driver ever. Hehe. And Su gave us a mini beauty lesson which was hilarious. This bunch of people are crazy! And I wonder why my friends are always whacking crazy.

Chermo is back to Melby and Ama will be going back this Sunday. I hate bidding goodbye to them but well, that's just a part and parcel of life. Goodbyes are never sweet. I can't wait till we gather again. Big bigggg love.

And yes, this affair is here to stay for sure, I know. Such beautifully ingrained friendship.

Flee-fly-fun

The past weekend was a hell lot of fun
over at neighbouring JB. It was insane back in the hotel room! That bunch of babies went bonkers over blackjack and in-between.

Even taking a bath was animately noise-stricken. Hahahaha. But we surely had a ball of time screaming, feasting and what's not.

Can't wait for the friggin' exams to be over soooon. We can't live without such fun. Major killjoy this period.

Joy all over the place.

The Sunday which just passed consisted of

1) A yummy steamboat dinner.
2) A bunch of my favourite people.
3) The people meeting my grandma for the 1st time. And they raved about how cutesy she is.
4) Many rounds of (the funniest and craziest ever) bucking the odds. Along with my gran!
5) Incessant and priceless laughters & joy.

It was so warm, so fun and so cosy. I wouldn't exchange anything for such times with that bunch of wacky people.

And nothing beats seeing my grandma being happy and cheery!
So here it goes, thank you Zhenny, Matty, Doug, Melvo and Ryno for making my grandma a happy smiley granny the whole night :)

All I wanna do.

Love: A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Fondness: A liking or weakness for something.

Like: To feel inclined.

One day, a fairy of some sort decides to grant me a supernatural gift, I'd choose to take on the power of being able to read and decipher people's thoughts.

I'm going crazy expounding on the WHAT IFs, MAYBEs, MAYBE-NOTs, COULD IT BEs.
I can't construe those intentions accurately with such strings of intricate ironic details interwined here and there. It's driving me nuts.

I know I can't afford to sink too deep in. Because one day if it ever leaves, a whole part of me might be gone too. (keeping my fingers and toes crossed that this will never happen) And I'm afraid.

Gotta keep myself strong yo baby!

Land before time

Thank you Lord for such a family.

Thank you Lord for I know 2011 will be the greatest year yet.

Thank you Lord for all the times I was down & you brought me up.

Thank you Lord for filing me up with beautiful hopes and dreams.

Thank you Lord for feeding my esteem whenever I feel lousy about myself.

Most of all, thank you Lord for all the awesome like no other people in my life.

People who will pick me up when I fall. Those who will listen to my rants and serve as outlets for me to vent. They will keep me sane and ensure my happiness index roars. People who will see me thru the toughest times in life and make sure I survive. With so much love resoundingly so ever thunderously, I know I will never ever walk alone.

& for me, I will love and appreciate these people to the best of my abilities.

Feels like the man.

So darn proud of Darren Tangey Ng!!!

Love, and more love.

Thank God that even when I have never been able to forge a very good rapport with the cg, I have awesome goody wally friends out there who will make me smile silly with their words and support.

And I think I've found someone whom I can talk to about everything and anything under the sun! I have never felt this good before and I reckon this feeling is here to stay.

I'm stuffed to the gills with so many good people around me. Just fat, dumb and very happy. Absolutely loving and keeping em'.

Indeed, there's always a time and season for everything.

Because you're the one.

And I know if there comes a need one day, you'll fight for me even if it's going to cost you everything.

A thankful heart.

Having OGLs like Darren and Rina was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Both of them could possibly be the two sweetest kindest and most caring people on earth.

I was swooned with something emotional and joy-wrecking on Saturday and Darren knowing it so well, responded to my pleas immediately. Hehe he might be always busy like a bee being a president in school, but I know he will always avail as much as possible. He is always going the extra miles for us. All the texts, the treats and so on. Da'man, who else but him?

And man, he can be a really good listener and counsellor!

And not forgetting my cutie hammie OGL Rina! Love her so much. She's so real and so comfortable to be with.

God sure know how to pamper me with such people aye? Feels so protected. Loving them bigggy time!

Feel some rich wind LOL

I've been into almost all the designer boutiques but yesterday marked my first step-foot into Hermes. One day, even my home cutleries will be from Hermes. Hahahaha.

A thousand times over.

Tonight, I prayed I prayed and I cried and I teared.

I adore the peace, the tranquil deafening silence of the hiding place. But I kinda dislike the heartache the follows each time I whine and grumble to the big Diddy G. There must be a way out. And this can't be it anymore. It's time I picked up from where I left off.

I've almost made up my mind. But I need some courage. Hmmm!

Albeit he she him her.

I receive love and I let go of pain.

肥球

我要减肥!

Ahhhhhh it shouldn't be.

(No prize for guessing which is me. Darren you itchy hands!)
This was when I was fit as a bull, when I ran alongside Darren Tangey and he had to hail me as queen. LOL, somebody who's so darn frigging fit and OCS-trained hailing me as queen. Must be those flaming lambos we drowned him in which got his screws loose.

Le sighs, I really hate the condition of my feet now. I am dying to get those feet up and recovered. The pain is depressing me biggy time ):

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

PBF is boring the hell out of me! I can't wait to do some shopping soon. And CNY is coming! Boring as it is, all I want is the big fat bomb from my unclez. Heehee.

Needa take my pills now. Shoooosh.


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Bubbly

I like how I can be myself and bare my hearts out in front of people. I really like to be real and true.

If you really know me, you'll know me as crazy, madly fun-loving and just constantly laughing loudly at every thing. No facade, no veils, no qualms.

If not, you don't know me at all.

I had a happy first day of school. But this weather is weaving a whole thread of thoughts in my mind. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it but I'm afraid she's not of the same old mould anymore. And I'm kinda scared ):

God if you would, will you send an angel who will give comfort to me.

2011 will be fabulous.

I'm just so glad that a new year is here again. 2010 hadn't been all smooth-sailing but I still thank God for it. Afterall, it's the year which saw me growing outta my comfort zone to some great degree.

Things to thank God for in 2010:
1) My ability to adapt and blend in so well in school. It's one of my best years in school yet.
2) Meeting a bunch of people who are more than just awesome. They are family to me.
3) Found a few special people. I know I can always count on them when things go haywire.
4) My new-found identity, secured in Christ.
5) I let go and moved on.
& for everything which worked out so fine.

The majority of the goods only took place during the last quart of 2010. The first 3 quarters of 2010 was well, somewhat crappy. But good riddance, I can't even remember why it was crappy. So yes, all's well now.

I cried buckets in 2010 so I think I'm gonna smile bathtubs in 2011 to make up for it.
All set to live through 2011 in the happiest possible way!